ART

I love making art. In theory. In reality it makes me angry. I spend a lot of time thinking about the things I want to sculpt/draw/paint/knit/sew. I plan, make patterns, gather materials...and then I sit down to actually work on the piece. That's when it all goes to hell. I spend the rest of the time in a frusturated funk, yelling at my work and throwing objects that offend me. I'm angry at the work for presenting problems; at myself for thinking I can make art; at the fact that I would be even angrier if I wasn't creating at that moment.

But that's all just part of the way I make art. When I really think about it I realize that I can't be calm while I'm making art, seeing as it is frustration that drives me to be creative in the first place. There is a quote from The Fountainhead that sums everything up for me. It is part of a scene where Howard Roark is asked when he decided to be an architect. He says, "...when I was ten years old...I didn't know it then but it's because I never believed in God...I don't like the shape of things on this earth so I want to change them." (Forgive me if that isn't totally correct. I'm quoting from memory here.) I don't like the shapes of things I see around me. So I change them. Most of my work now involves the two most beautiful forms I see around me: the human figure and trees. By selectivly merging these figures I can create the things I want to see in my world. I like when people see me working and ask to look at my sketches. When I hand them over the reaction I enjoy the most is the fearful one. "If you can't understand something than it's best to be afraid," (Bright Eyes). I've had parents scoop up their children and rush off, afraid that the child will be traumatized by the sight of a human rooted to the earth. I hope to never become famous, because if I do my work will cease to become controversial (for the most part), and that is part of what I enjoy about the way I wish to recreate my world.


hraphael.deviantart.com