sleepless ravings

How many nights, how many hours have I spent sitting in bed watching smoke swirl and mingle over the lamp, rising from the incense on the table, the pipe in my hand? How many pages have I filled with bored, illegible scribbles? How long have I spent staring blankly at books I don't want to read, clothes I don't want to put away? By three am I intensely dislike everything around me.

When you can't sleep, it's always three am.

Some nights I lie in bed with the lights off, singing long, slow songs in my head. Every so often I'll stop to guess the time. I'm usually right.

Mr. Durden has already explained to us how insomnia makes everything a copy of a copy of a copy. And while I do agree with him, I wish to emphasize the "everything" part. As the night wears on you go from one tired copy of yourself to the next: a copy of a copy of a copy.

Are you there god, or do you just suck at your job?

I have a theory. No, not even a theory. A passing thought, just an interesting tidbit...I think (passingly, you understand) that we have disproved the existence of God. Or, at least, that we've proved the god that most "major" religions worship has not been hanging around our universe lately. According to these various peoples there is a kind, forgiving, rather grandfatherly god who just loves to watch out for us, right? However, most people don't realize that they basically believe in the same things, so they continually fight over whose god is better. Okay, so, here's what I don't quite understand: how does god feel about all this? Cause, see, if I was god, and I was as awesome as we seem to think he is, I don't believe I'd want anyone fighting in my name. I'd like to know what kind of god allows (him/her/it)self to be used as an excuse for so much violence. Just, you know, a thought...